Who Am I?

You've seen this disaster of a profile before in Bottomless Pit 2. That post featured the events on the profile. This one has the list of alternate names. Over 6000 of them. Six THOUSAND!
This profile has given me nightmares. What if there's a profile somewhere on all of our trees that, because of a computer glitch, has every name and every event attached to it?
There are also a couple dozen "alternate name" facts with no name on them at all. See the horror after the jump.

Bottomless Pit 2

 MARY HANSON
 Birth 09 Aug 1675 in Upton, Worcester, Massachusetts, USA
 Death  in Upton, Worcester, Massachusetts, USA

 PARENTS
 John Hanson (1549-1622)
 Janet Raynor (1551- )

 SPOUSE & CHILDREN
 Walter Stanhope (1572-1661)
 ✿ Mary Stanhope (1602-1616)
 ✿ Jane Stanhope (1612-1693)
 ✿ Walter Stanhope (1612-1646)
 ✿ Edward Stanhope (1615-1675)
 ✿ Catherine Stanhope (1618-1618)
 ✿ Anne Stanhope (1623- )

If you're thinking Mary's birth year is a typo, you're an optimist. A birth year of 1575 would be better than having her parents and most of her children dying before her own birth. It would not, however, explain the births and deaths of Mary's parents, husband and children all occurring in England. Changing her birth year would also not improve the rest of the profile which is after the jump.
Here are just a few highlights (numbers in parenthesis are the number of events that are exact duplicates):

 ✿ Marriage
810 AD
Uppsala, Sweden
 ✿ Marriage
1503 7 Oct
Bernbowgale Edinburgh St. James St. Giles Toftis Manys Bernbowgale Manys Toftis Dummanyne Canongate Trinitarian Peblis Crukstoun, Midlothia, Scotland
 ✿ Christening
1847 31 Jan
Kerry, Ireland
 ✿ BURIAL
1864 15 Oct
NC
 ✿ Residence (85)
1911
Guysborough, Nova Scotia, Canada
 ✿ Arrival (12)
1913 6 Jun
Detroit, Michigan
 ✿ Residence (72)
1930
Boston, Suffolk, Massachusetts
 ✿ SSN issued
California

After the jump: The complete list of events

Bottomless Pit

Thanks to Claire for the link to this profile! I wanted to thank her right at the top because you may never get to the bottom of this post. Seriously. I think this tree owner has added every event from their entire tree to this one profile.
Some of the more amusing notes are on events that have no date. If you want to skip to those you may want to start at the end of the post and scroll up.
If you see events not in chronological order they are not typos on my part. I think Ancestry's computer just threw up its metaphorical hands in despair. With almost 2000 marriage events who can blame it?
These are the records/sources attached to the profile:

1870 U.S. Federal Census
James Sanford, born abt 1836 in Michigan; living in Lansing, Mower, Minnesota
Civil War Service Records
James Sanford, 11th Wisconsin Infantry, Company B
U.S. and Canada, Passenger and Immigration Lists Index
William Anderson, arrived in Maryland in 1659
U.S. Civil War Soldiers
James Sanford, 11th Wisconsin Infantry, Company B
U.S. Civil War Pension Index: General Index to Pension Files
James M. Sanford, 11th Wisconsin Infantry, Company B; widow Annie C. Sanford
U.S. Civil War Soldier Records and Profiles
James M. Sanford, enlistment date 12 Sep 1861, 11th Wisconsin Infantry, Company B
Ancestry Family Trees
Profiles included in this "source" are for Luna Elizabeth Sanford, Benjamin Albee, Luanna Rutledge, Charles Thurston Capwell, Henry Talladay, Charles Byron Andrews, John Milroy, James Austin Criswell, James Burns, Betty Ann POTTS, and George David Shannon

The entire profile is after the jump.